


“Oh Rao” Cards Against Humanity

by TremorDusk



Series: Cards Against Arrowverse [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Arrow jokes that go over their head, Call backs from crossovers, Cards Against Humanity, F/F, Lena doesn’t know about SuperBat, Sara and Ava and Kate had way too much fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23951116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TremorDusk/pseuds/TremorDusk
Summary: "So there's a Kara Danvers card in there?" Lena asks.J'onn gives her a weird look, "There possibly is one.""That's all I need to know," Lena mutters.ORSara, Ava, and Kate creates their own Cards Against Humanity which leads to revealing many secrets.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Cards Against Arrowverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902601
Comments: 28
Kudos: 413





	“Oh Rao” Cards Against Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> I had too much fun writing this! I hope you guys love it<3

Every Friday after a long and busy week, Kara Danvers would invite her friends to her loft for a little fun. Game nights consisted of Pictionary, Monopoly, and sometimes a very intense chess game against the chess master, Lena, whom, secretly (or not so secretly to everyone else), is madly head over heels for her.

They all gathered in a circle in the living room. It was time to pick a game to play and this time, it was Nia's turn. And her choice was Cards Against Humanity. Now, Kara has never really heard of this game before and neither had Alex. But judging by Kelly's expression it wasn't gonna be good.

"What is Cards Against Humanity?" Kara asked. Nia giggled a little with a mischievous grin. Brainy was the first to answer her query.

"It is a game for horrible people, as the box says." He explained, "A black card is read and you place down one of the seven cards in your hand, and the person's turn it is is the person who decides the winner of that round."

"It's a mad lib but ten times more inappropriate." Nia mentions. Kara's eyes go bug-eye, while Alex sits next to Kelly on the couch with a very cocky grin on her face.

"Sounds fun," Alex says excitedly, "How bad can it be?" Brainy shuffles the deck with ease and in no time, everyone is dealt seven cards. Loud snickers could be heard from Lena, while Alex choked on her beer when she looked at her cards. Kelly had this horrifying look on her face, and Brainy was the only one who didn't seem, wowed, horrified, or disturbed.

It was quiet for a little bit, all that could be heard were amused grunts and disturbed gags. Kara took a look at her cards. Her hand consisted of these cards; Sandwich, Assembling IKEA furniture, Curly fries so good you quit ISIS, Chowder, Taking a dump, A big hole, Good, clean Christian comedy.

"Lena you're reading!" Nia says all too enthusiastically. She hands Lena a black card and...and Kara has never seen this expression of Lena. She has seen a version of that expression but not one that was filled with...lust..or something more indescribable.

"Give me ten good men and 48 hours. I'll get you-blank." Lena read happily, "Alright guys, be clever about this. Take as much time as you nee-"

"Done!" Alex is the first to slam down a white card, Kelly puts one in shortly after, and the others follow. Kara is the last to put a card in.

"I have no idea how you guys come up with ideas so fast," Kara mumbled. Lena smiled at her and shuffled the little pile of cards without looking. Again she looks at the black card and waits for everyone to stop giggling.

"Give me ten good men and 48 hours. I'll get you......doing it doggy, no kissing." Lena finishes as her cheeks go red, but not from embarrassment, but laughter. Everyone else starts laughing, and it takes Kara a moment to understand, but once she does, she is as red as a cherry.

"Rao, who put that card?!" Kara questioned. Lena continued reading the other cards.

"Chinese people." Everyone snickers once more.

"Slaves." Lena doesn't laugh. "Poor attempt, this one is immediately getting discarded." She places it away from the table, starting the discard pile.

"Noooo!" Alex screeches, "That was my card!" Kelly gives her a slow glance, and Alex giggled bashfully.

"The cutest fucking shoes I've ever seen." Lena nods with a smirk on her face. "And Chowder." Everyone waited with apprehension, wondering what Lena would pick. It was their first time playing Cards Against Humanity with Lena, so they didn't exactly know what her dirty humor was...yet.

"Hmm, I'm going with not you." Lena discarded the card. Guessing from the look of defeat on Kelly, that was probably her card. Which meant...

"Chowder's out." Lena moves the card to the growing discard pile. Which means that only Brainy and Nia could be the victor.

"This was a very disappointing round." Lena says with a feigned yawn, "Doing it doggy with no kissing is my choice." Nia throws her hands up in the air, and everyone is surprised to see that Brainy is the one who takes the first black card.

"It was YOU?" Lena gasped. She was utterly shocked by this development.

"Always expect the unexpected!" Brainy cackles. Nia takes a card while Brainy basks in his short victory.

"In Radiohead's new single, Thom York's repeats the phrase "blank" dozens of times over a skittering drum beat." Nia smiles, "oh this is gonna be good!"

Immediately, Kara places down a card at the same time as Lena. The cliche of being embarrassed after touching hands is evident in the pair. Both are covered in red blush.

Nia reads the cards. "In Radiohead's new single, Thom Yorke repeats the phrase "Politics" dozens of times over a skittering drum beat." Nia doesn't look amused and throws the card into the discard pile.

"All my dead sisters." Nia sits there with a disturbed look, "What the fuck." Lena is enjoying herself in the corner, as Alex is paying attention closely to her drink.

"How many bagels-hahaha I can fit-aha on my penis." Nia almost couldn't finish reading and Lena and Alex are laughing their heads off. Kara and Kelly both cover their mouths with their eyes wide open.

"Fresh Air with Terry Gross," Nia announces, "Don't know what that is, and Good, clean Christian comedy. Yeah, we could all use some clean comedy." Nia nods in amusement.

"What's your pick?" Lena says. Nia looks at her choices. Fresh Air is the first one out. Then All my dead sisters. There was a long pause and everyone waited, nervously. Especially Kara. Her card was one of the two. Perhaps she might win this round?

"We all need some good clean Christian comedy," Nia says as she holds up the card.

"Yes!!" Kara squeals. Lena looks at her with a soft expression. And perhaps Alex caught that look and gave Lena a knowing look, and Lena made a denying look. Then Alex responded with an "I know you are in love with my sister" look. Kelly was the only one to notice this. Once she intervened, Lena and Alex's "staring" contest came to a close.

"I shall read now!" Brainy booms, "Five, four, three, two, one... blank!" Brainy places the card down and once again Kara and Lena are touching hands. Kara swears by Rao's name that she saw Kelly make a "oh" with her face as she realized why Alex was smirking.

"Five, four, three, two, one... a garbage clown who makes no one laugh and should die."

"Oof," Nia exclaims.

"Having thirty sons named Chad." Lena chokes on her wine and Kara comes to her aid, but she waves her off saying she is fine.

"The awesome power of the Lord." Brainy says slowly, "hmm, the pleasure of watching my boys wolf down my pot roast and scamper into the woods. The last one is Assembling IKEA furniture."

"That one's not bad." Commented Lena. In the end, Brainy chose to go with Having thirty sons named Chad which gave Alex her first black card. Kelly grabbed from the black deck and she did it with her eyes closed. She was probably praying for a not so embarrassing card.

"Oh no! Here it comes! Oh god! It's...blank!" Kelly jumped a little when everyone put their cards on the table, all at once.

"That was fast," exclaimed Kelly, "Alright, so...Oh no! Here it comes! Oh god! It's letting that pussy breathe." Kelly completely started dying with laughter and for some odd reason, Alex was very red in the face. This time Lena was the one giving the glances. First off, starting with the "Ha I knew it" face. Which is followed by Alex's "Watch it Luthor" face. Lena seems to not catch that expression because she continues. She gives Alex the "so you have to let your pussy breathe?" Look. Alex sticks her tongue out at her. Kara elbows Lena playfully because she knows she is messing around with her sister.

"Having tuna sandwiches with my favorite honkies." Nia looked very perplexed.

"What's a honkie?" She asks. Brainy looks at her.

"It is an informal North American-"

"It's a term black people use for white people." Lena interrupts.

"Oh, I didn't know that," Alex mentioned. Kelly is just smirking next to Alex.

"A Puerto Rican Minotaur from the Bronx." Kelly looked at the card with a weird expression. Lena eyed her as she took a quick sip of her wine.

"If you don't choose my card, Kelly, I'm going to be very disappointed." Lena cooed. Kara gives her a look.

"Lena you don't have to guilt her," Kara says with an authoritative voice.

"It's just part of the game, darling." Lena winks at her. For a few seconds Kara forgets how to... well, it's a little panic attack.

"Gay panic." Alex snickers quietly. Lena had way too much to drink already, right? Kara had to assume that Lena was getting a little toasty.

"Curly fries so good, you quit ISIS." Kelly continues.

"Geez," Nia gasps. Alex just sits there quietly.

"New DNA evidence exonerating OJ Simpson." Kelly just seems even more disturbed by this card. " The last card is Sandwich."

"I'm sorry, there's no competition, letting that pussy breathe got me." Kelly chuckled. Lena jumps up to collect her black card. Alex rolled her eyes at Lena. It was apparent that Alex was trying to put Lena in her "place".

The card game grew more and more inappropriate as each round went by. This game revealed many things that Kara didn't even know about her friends. Nia enjoyed innocent little jokes like clean Christian humor for example. While Kelly very much enjoyed cards that she could relate to on a personal level. Brainy enjoyed whatever humor was executed well, the same could be said for Alex but she also had a bit of dark and dirty humor going on too. And Lena...Lena enjoyed all of the gross cards like for example poppin' that pussy and other dirty and dark things. Kara, on the other hand, knew that she was unpredictable, she could tell that Lena was still trying to figure her out.

Figure as in, figure out what my humor is and not in any romantic way. A voice cut into Kara's thoughts.

"Lena has 10 cards, Alex 6, Kelly and Brainy 8, Kara 5, and Nia 6," Brainy told them the scores. It was clear that Lena was a master, or figured out the game.

"Guys, this is starting to get boring." Kelly piped up. Lena didn't seem ready to be done yet.

"One more round." Lena begged, "Please?" Kelly sighed and gave in. Alex seemed okay with the idea but made sure that Kelly was okay.

"Kara you're reading," Nia called out. Kara grabbed the top card and was surprised by what card she got.

"Oh Rao," Kara moaned as her face went bright red, "Yeah that's so hot. I'm so close. Talk about blank again! OH I'M CUMMING!" Lena starts giggling along with the others, and Kara has her face in her hands. How did this happen? How did it come to her reading something so... embarrassing in front of LENA no less!

Lena's the first one to put down her card. Eventually, everyone's cards are set down and Kara mentally prepares herself to read the cards. She notices that Lena has this mischievous look on her face. She must be very confident in her choice or she is just messing with Kara to "manipulate" the game in her direction. Kara breathes in deeply as she gathers the cards. Everyone was eagerly waiting for her to read.

"Yeah, that's so hot. I'm so close. Talk about yo Stanky ass again! Oh, I'm cumming." Everyone bursts into laughter as Kara's face turned another shade of red. The one thing that did stick out of this spectacle was the fact that Lena Kieran Luthor wasn't laughing. She was waiting for Kara to finish. That's interesting. She has something planned.

"White people, my wife (Borat voice), Oral, and...." Kara looks at the last card and chokes on her saliva.

"Kara do notleave us hanging!" Alex shouts.

"Yeah, please read it loud and proud." Lena winked once more with a bit of a different tone in her voice. At that moment, Kara knew, Lena had put this card down. She had put down this card. She somehow knew something or perhaps maybe this is something she thinks about, who knows? She planned for Kara to read it. There was a purpose to the Luthor's madness.

"What are you waiting for?" Nia asked, "Come on Kara! Don't leave us hanging!" Kara gulped as she looked at the card, the blush on her face was a dead giveaway.

"Daddy." Kara wheezed. Nia started cackling like a crow and Lena was smiling a big goofy grin at Kara.

Once everyone finally settled down, Brainy got up quickly and headed for the door. Nia was a bit surprised by this but their eyes widen when they see J'onn come through the door with a giant black box.

"So more cards for us to play with?" Lena says with a giddy expression. Brainy smirks at her and faces the rest of the group.

"This, my friends is a Multiverse against cards!" Brainy exclaimed with excitement.

Alex stared blankly, "Come again?"

"Sara, Kate, Zari, and Ava got together and created a Cards Against Humanity version where it has our names in there along with scenarios we have done in our careers," J'onn explains.

"So there's a Kara Danvers card in there?" Lena asks.

J'onn gives her a weird look, "There possibly is one."

"That's all I need to know," Lena mutters. This results in Kara having shivers go down her spine.

"Ah, hell yeah we're playing this." Alex shouts, "And next time they need to invite me to make an extension pack of this!" J'onn set the box down on the table and opened it in front of everyone. Alex helped him shuffle the first deck they were going to use.

"When did they have the time to do this?" Kara utters.

"In between Crossovers." Brainy comments. Once the first deck was shuffled each player was dealt with seven cards. Kara picked up her cards as she was sipping on her drink. She nearly choked when she saw her cards. This got a concerned look from Lena but Kara brushed it off saying that she was surprised by her hand.

Kelly was laughing this time at her hand and Alex tried to sneakily peek at them. Kelly pulled away from her and jabbed at her to stop. Brainy this time reacted to his cards and Nia was chuckling.

"Ohh, I have the best cards," Nia says out loud. J'onn chuckles before he takes one of the black cards from the pile.

"Arrow 101 never blank or you'll be blank." J'onn reads. Kara stifles a laugh.

"Two cards, it's read bottom to top." Slowly people put down their cards and made sure that their piles did not get mixed up with others.

J'onn picked up the pile of cards near Brainy, "Arrow 101 never "die painfully" or you'll be "resurrected"." Alex let out a fake yawn and everyone else was very confused.

"Arrow 101 never "lie to Thea" or you'll be "killed by Slade Wilson".

"Who the fuck is Slade Wilson?" Lena blurts out. Everyone shrugs in response.

"I'm asking them about who these people are," Alex mutters under her breath.

"Arrow 101 never "do crossovers" or you'll be "having to deal with an annoying speedster who wants hugs". Kara let out a loud laugh while the others just looked at her weirdly.

"What?" She laughs, "Oliver doesn't like hugs and Barry tries to hug him." Some of them nodded their heads in understanding and the game continued.

"Arrow 101 never "kiss Felicity Smoak" or you'll be "not apologizing because Ollie never apologizes". This time there were a couple laughs and J'onn was smirking.

"Arrow 101 never "kiss my ass" or you'll be "in worse shape than Roy Harper".

"Ouch," Alex comments, "I feel bad for that kid."

"The last one's "use Spear of Destiny" and "cumming around for seconds".

"The Roy Harper one got me." J'onn says, "Who did that one." Lena quickly took the black card and smiled; she seemed pleased with herself.

"Brainy you're reading." Nia hands him a black card he looks at it.

"Supergirl the one who has blank." He places down the card and waits for everyone to put down a card.

"Oh, Rao this is gonna be really bad." Kara whines and everyone laughs in response. Once everyone placed down a card, Brainy read the results.

"Supergirl the one who has "the biggest Hope speech". Kelly snorts with laughter while Kara laughs along as well.

"Okay, I can see that one." She smiles. So far it was tamed.

"Supergirl the one who has "a heart".

"Aw, that one's sweet," Kelly says. Alex smiles in response.

"Supergirl the one who has "to be a slut". Alex chokes on her drink while everyone stares wide-eyed.

"Amen to that," Lena mutters. She quickly takes a drink of her wine when Kara turns to look at her.

"Moving on," Brainy intervenes, "Supergirl the one who has "the undesirable urge to keep looking at those tattoos that are in inappropriate places of Kate Kane's body". Everyone sat there wide-eyed as Lena spat wine onto the table.

"What?" She choked. Kara was red in the face and attempted to avoid eye contact. Alex noticed this and faced her.

"You're kidding," Alex mutters, "You did that?!"

"This is being taken out of context!" Kara explains. She waves her hands in defense.

"What context?" Lena stares darkly at Kara.

"Um."

"What are the last two cards?" J'onn obnoxiously says. This Kara was grateful for. Brainy continued.

"The last two are "Big Belly Burger" and "No secrets"."

"Oooh, no secrets to hide huh, Supergirl?" Lena cooed.

Kara gives her a look, "I see what you're doing there." Kara nudges Lena playfully and she laughs in response.

"Lena put down the secrets card." Alex laughs.

"Guilty!" Lena chimes. Lena grabs a black card.

"I have a Crisis but blank isn't one of them." Once the cards are placed, she shuffled them so she wouldn't figure out which one was who's.

"I have a Crisis but "Beebo" isn't one of them." They all giggle.

"All hail Beebo," Nia shouts.

"I have a Crisis but "having Kate's phone number" isn't one of them." Lena frowned at that and smirked before moving on.

"I have a Crisis but "SuperBat" isn't one of them," Lena said as a question. "What's SuperBat?" Kara nearly choked but then remained causal so she wouldn't draw attention to herself. Unfortunately, Kelly smirked at her, which meant she wasn't as slick as she thought.

"I have a Crisis but "my cheating sister" isn't one of them." Everyone was confused by that and kept glaring at Kara wondering if she knew what some of these cards meant.

"I have a Crisis but "Ava Sharpe" isn't one of them." Lena voiced it as a question. She had no idea what most of these cards stood for.

"I have a Crisis but "Sara and Ava fucking" isn't one of them." Lena giggled at this. "You know what? Kate's number wins." J'onn victoriously grabs his black card while everyone looks at him in shock. Nia grabs a card with excitement.

"Here's What you'll find at the West-Allen wedding it's blank." Nia chuckles all too giddily. "Okay, guys give me some good ones!" Within seconds everyone put down cards. Nia shuffled them before she began reading.

"Here's What you'll find at the West-Allen wedding it's "Wally West"." Nia immediately discarded it without hesitation.

"Here's What you'll find at the West-Allen wedding it's "Felicity and Oliver getting married"." Nia smirks, "Okay that's a little better, but I want something good."

"Here's What you'll find at the West-Allen wedding it's "Ra's al Ghul". Nia placed it in the discard, "Okay so far Olicity is winning."

"Here's What you'll find at the West-Allen wedding it's "Not you"."

"Here's What you'll find at the West-Allen wedding it's "You're sister sleeping with your boyfriend and lying about it". Multiple amounts of "ews" echoed throughout the group. "Finally a challenge!"

"Here's What you'll find at the West-Allen wedding it's-" Nia looked at the card and silently died of laughter. Everyone looked at her and knew that this one won. Nia tried to calm down but it took her a moment to regain her composure.

"Okay, whoever put this," Nia announces, "You're the best, and this is by far one of my favorite cards."

"What is the card?" Kelly asked with amusement.

"Here's What you'll find at-at the West-Allen wedding it's "Sara and Alex fucking after sharing too many shots". Alex turned pale and Kelly looked at her with concern. She tried to wave off her suspicious look but then again, Lena's laughter wasn't making things any better.

"I hope this one is real!" Lena says.

Kara joins in, "Oh it is, and did happen at the wedding." This made Lena and Nia laugh even harder. Alex looked mortified and Kelly was trying to wrap her brain around it.

"That card wins!" Nia booms. Lena snags the black card and Alex scowls at her.

"You bitch," Alex says with shock. Lena continues to laugh and settles down after she flips off Alex. Kelly whispers concerns to Alex who hugs her.

"Well that was something," Brainy exclaims. It was now Alex's turn and she grabs a black card but looks concerned and shoots an evil glare at Lena. She responds to Alex with a smirk and sticking out her tongue.

"Blank fuck me honestly." Alex reads with a smile on her face. It takes a minute or two before everyone has placed their white cards in a pile. Alex shuffles them quietly before looking at the first card and rolling her eyes.

"I swear, Luthor." Alex groans, "Sara Lance fuck me honestly." The group just laughs and Kelly does this time too.

"Kate Kane fuck me honestly." Lena rolls her eyes in response.

"Mon-el fuck me honestly." Lena gags as she was taking a sip of her wine. Nia frowns and Alex laughs.

"We all know one person did do that." Brainy chimes in. Kara rolls her eyes playfully before smiling.

"Kryptonite fuck me honestly." Kara made a terrified look while everyone laughed.

"That would be unsafe for me." Kara comments.

"Marital vows fuck me honestly." Alex giggles. She then looks at the last card and a huge smile creeps on her face.

"Lena Luthor fuck me honestly." Alex reads. Everyone makes noises of laughter and "ooo who put that card?"

"My, my," Lena exclaims, a little shocked herself, "Who put that one. Oh and thanks for the compliment I guess."

"The person who put this card please stand up," Alex says. She waves the black card around waiting for the victor to reveal themselves. Kara reluctantly grabs the black card which makes Lena sit there with a shocked expression on her face. Alex slowly queues for everyone to disperse because something was going on there. Kara sat there covered in her blush.

"Um, hi." Are the first words Kara breathes out after everyone exited the loft. Lena sits there smiling at her innocently.

"Hi." She says back.

"Um, so about that card." Kara began. Lena leaned forward which showed off her cleavage, which made it more difficult for Kara to keep her eyes up and not down.

"I didn't know you were interested," Lena says seductively. She was enjoying every second of an embarrassed Kara.

"I-I-if you're not-" Kara began to ramble.

Lena stopped her by placing a hand on her lap.

"I am darling."

"Oh."

**Author's Note:**

> Should I make another one, like this? Let me know!


End file.
